(an old poem for *d*)

home

no more false starts or
getting lost or
barely sustaining on this side of empty,

no more wandering,
driving aimlessly,
peering at each street sign

hoping that somehow i would figure out
how to navigate by the stars

since no one else seemed to be able
to show me
or to even understand
what i was asking

and if they did, they only ever succeeded in getting me more lost

yet i knew that it was somewhere,
this belonging, this wholeness, this happiness

yet no one could tell me what city it was in,
what street it was on,
what world it even resided,

or even point me to a map with a little arrow that showed me in big bold letters

you are here

and then came you

the magnet that is pulling me toward
this birthplace, this motherland, the only place

that can quench, complete, fix, sate me

that is lodged
in your heart, in your mind, on your lips

and the only way i will ever feel right is to be near you

where i can
listen to it, feel it, touch it, hear it, taste it
and be alive, happy, healthy

so i do anything, trying to get to you

crawl, walk, run, fly, drive, swim, even dream

anything i can make my body do

the instinct to flee into your arms so overwhelming

that my breath leaves me empty,
sucked out by some invisible force

being drawn to my home that is pulsing within you

and now,
i seem to be able to navigate the landscape easily

even when you aren’t beside me
as if, reflexively, i know the direction that i am headed

because it is outlined clearly on my window pane

that map that is your image
your face hazy yet still brighter than the stars

who are jealous of how you outshine them

envious of your innate ability to navigate me

i feel no need to stop off at the nearest rest stop
to ask for directions,
or find out what path someone else thinks i am on,

or allow myself to be questioned about my route
all the things
i used to think that i needed to show me the way
because i know that everything i need
is inside my soul,
waiting for me to come home

to a place that i had previously thought
was never going to be real