Dangerous Mind

So I was thinking the other day. What must it be like to other people to have to deal with me? I know that I am not a bad person, but the frenetic energy must be at times incredibly infuriating and at other times quite disturbing. My mother used to get so freaked out when I was out of school that she would send me out of the house with some $ for food & drinks for the day so she wouldn't have to entertain me anymore. She would tell me to take my skates in my basket of my bike and go play for the rest of the day, she knew I would get bored and return home after a few hours if I just had my bike. So I would skate/bike around the city, eating at Burger King or Carls Jr and come home about 7 each evening, still full of energy. Boy was she glad when my brother was old enough to go out with me.

I've always had this sort of manic energy ... I'm not bi-polar ... I am definitely not depressed ... it's more like someone on speed for about 4 days and they have that huge rush of energy because they are going to crash at any moment (NOT that I have ANY idea what that is like) ;). I run around quite full of all of the possibilities, completely assured that I can do anything, so I start all sorts of interesting and wonderful things ... then about a week later, I never look at them again. I know I have ADD, but I can focus on things so incredibly well that I can make almost anything. And then, once the concentration is gone, nothing ... nada ... zilch. I don't sleep really well. I can go weeks with about 2-3 hours of sleep a night. But it is inevitable that I will crash and be sleepy by 6pm for 3 days.

The problem I have with all of this is my complete lack of knowing what I want to be when I grow up. I do all sorts of things on the side (make up/hair, knitting, crafts, sewing, writing, etc) and there are many MANY more that I have thought I've wanted to do and then decide against AFTER I buy all the supplies, but nothing that really makes me feel like I am 100% confident that I can do it.

Now without sounding completely arrogant, I'm good at the things I put my mind to. I've made some wonderful jewelry, some great purses, some cool scarves and hats, wrote some moving poetry, sewed cute blankets & great baby clothes, made some people look phenomenal at their weddings and special events, I even install my own dreads now - but am I sure, completely sure that any of those things will keep my interest if I choose to do them as my career? I want to continue to love to do these things - I want to have fun, but at the same time, isn't the best career doing what you love? Does it ever get to a point that even artists who get paid to do what they love, that they tire of it and want to do it no more? That thought scares me.

I never went to school for any of the things that I love to do. I am basically self taught in most everything (except for the knitting and the dreads ... thank goodness for the girls and for the internet!) so maybe my stuff would suck so much that I wouldn't have the chance to tire of it since no one would pay me to do those things.

Maybe I could set up a career based on ALL the things I do, and then that way I would never be bored ... because even more than not knowing what I am going to be when I grow up, I am DEATHLY afraid of boredom.