brown paper packages tied up with strings ...

because i am back in the list mood this year i thought i might share with you a few of my favorite websites (in no particular order). i am not sure how any of these go together ... i'm not even sure sometimes how i found them or why i look at some of them every day. oh well, i'm strange ... deal.

1. http://www.gabeleonard.com/ : this man's artwork is breathtakingly beautiful to me. he used to sell copies of his artwork on the venice boardwalk and each time i saw him i would buy one. i've given some as gifts to my girlfriends. strangely so far, 3 of his paintings look very similar to 3 different girls in our group ... hmmm.
2. http://www.quinnster.co.uk/ : ok, this one i can't explain really. yes, i had braids ... yes, i am going to be getting them again in a couple of weeks but am i going to do it myself? the answer would be no.
3. http://www.somethingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou/: ok, this one will get me into trouble, but i seriously laugh my ass off when i'm on this site. i don't go as often as i'd like and probably more often than i should.
4. http://www.jacksonwhite.com/ : i came across this cute little guy one day on cafepress.com. his family has set up a store to sell tshirts/mugs/bumper stickers, etc to help pay for his medical costs. go there, read his story, cry, then donate. it will make you feel better ... trust me. GROW CELLS GROW!
5. http://p080.ezboard.com/bhair18356 : one of the most informative sites if you are interested in dreads, braids or extensions ... the people on this site are AMAZINGLY TALENTED.
6. http://www.strangebuys.com/ : please see the top of this topic (before the list starts) for any semblance of a reason that i go here (hint: it's right after "oh well," and right before "... deal".)
7. www.crimelibrary.com : i am addicted to this site ... i seriously should have been a forensics detective ... or in jail for something incredibly heinous. i really scare myself with the knowledge i have obtained from this site on the history of serial killers. go ahead ... quiz me.
8. www.uberband.com / www.laverband.com : did you think i would let this list slip by without putting in my favorite rock gods website(s)? he's so cute ... in that maniacal sort of way.

i retain the right to update this list as i see fit ... or as i see unfit ... same difference.

To Do List

My best friend Matt has a new girlfriend. Well she's actually not new, she's been alive for quite a bit of time, but she is relatively new to his romantic intentions. They started dating in October and I couldn't be happier. Why? Well she is one of the 7 girls that I hang out with, one of the infamous best girlfriends circle.

Now from what I hear sometimes it gets a little hairy having your friends date ... not so on this one. maybe it's cuz he is one of my oldest best friends (and someone i dated for a while) and she is one of my best friends (whom i've known for over 3 years now) AND they are incredibly perfect for each other and deserved of each other like no other couple i know. maybe it's just incredibly wonderful to see them both so happy. maybe it's just amazing to see love at first sight happen before your very eyes (when it's not you and you can actually SEE it). i don't know what it is, but in any case, our circle of friends all get giddy when we see them together.

why do i bring this up you ask? well, as my title suggest this will eventually turn into a list of sorts. and the reason i started out with Matt was because he said something really cute about what he and *k* are going to be doing this year. every month they will be traveling somewhere together. a mini vacation. doesn't matter where, could be san diego, could be hawaii, could be europe ... just somewhere. so that they start to build memories together. it's so romantic and cute i can hardly stand it!

unfortunately, this will be impossible for *d* and i to do. for one, i have children so spending that sort of $$ on something every month (no matter how small of a trip it is) is not possible. two, *d* and i have hectic schedules ... he is in 4, count em, 4 bands ... 2 of which play regularly, 1 that is on a hiatus and the other could start up again at any time. he also helps friends out with their music projects, has a full time job and teaches guitar 2 days (sometimes 3) a week. ok, so HE has a hectic schedule. and three, i just don't have that sort of energy for planning. i start planning something like that, i start to get nervous and freak myself out. i am more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants sort of girl.

so, without giving myself a panic attack, below i have outlined a few of the things i would like to do at some point (this year, next year, 5 years from now, who knows ... i won't pressure myself damn it and you can't make me!):

1. Take a trip to Europe. i would like to have at least a week to explore (without any sort of tourist trip planned by a helpful travel agent where they take you on a bus with a ton of other people) all of the places that live in my dreams. Ireland, Italy, Greece, Spain, Belgium, Russia, Holland ... i don't need long in each of those places at first, just a taste to see if i would enjoy spending a week at one of them.
2. Take a photography class. i would love to be able to take pictures in that artful way that some of you have. i want to see if i have an "eye" for it. actually i'd be happy not cutting peoples' heads off in a shot.
3. Dress up in a wedding dress. ok, that sounds like such a girly thing to say, doesn't it? when i got married before we eloped so i didn't get to even try one on. so i don't really need to have a huge wedding at any point or a huge dress ... i'd just like to try one on though. the idea of the dress is so captivating to me ... until i think of the wedding, then i just want to sit in a corner with my thumb in my mouth rocking back and forth.
4. Learn a different language - correctly. i recently bought a cd set on how to learn italian. it rushed through the process so fast i thought maybe i had misread the back of the cover. maybe it is supposed to be used if you already KNOW the basics and you need a refresher course. what was it you said lady ... did you say where is the bathroom? or how do i catch the train? how am i supposed to know which word means what? is it learning through osmosis or memorization? how can i go to italy with the half-assed language skills i have acquired through this language program. bottom line, i can't. if i do, i'll end up getting accosted, or thrown in jail or something. it's like getting a tattoo in a different language & not being sure of what the language is ... somehow you deserve to have "ASS" written on you indelibly because you didn't properly research. so yeah, i need to pay more that $40 to learn italian.
5. Take my kids on a train trip up & down the coast. the thought of watching their little faces as they see things they have never seen, fills me with such incredibly happy feelings. i love seeing them learn things and have fun and to me this sort of fits the bill. we could stop at all sorts of places, go to tourist sites, eat bad diner food ... whatever. the world is at our feet ... ok, the coast will be.
6. Learn the tango. cuz i can't dance ... at all.
7. Try on colored contact lenses. i would love to see what i would look like with green eyes.
8. Snow Ski. i've never done it. sounds like fun. til i break a leg.
9. See the Mayan Ruins. not sure if that is the best idea i have. considering that i am allergic to everything ... flowers, bugs ... and i hear there is a lot of both of those there.
10. Go back to running every weekday and taking a pilates class 2x a week again. the flab is OUTTA control. UGH.

at the moment that is all i can think of. i know there is more that i would like to do but seeing as i've only had one cup of coffee so far today, all i can think of is that i want another. on that note:

11. drink more caffeine than a body should every have. to hell with traveling ... give me stimulants.

dust in the wind

this new year has started making me feel a little less melancholy about things. i had a great holiday at home and in ohio. the white christmas i fully believe made me feel more connected with the season. i didn't feel as disconnected as i had in the past going away for the holidays. i did have my boys for christmas eve and for the new year weekend which i am sure couldn't have hurt how good i felt about 2005.

this year has started to take a turn that is happening at blindingly quick speed. as of march 1st, *d* and i will be moving in together officially. one of my best friends will be moving back home for school as of february and we are taking over her lease. the apartment is fantastic (even if it is a one bedroom) and she is leaving all of her furniture for me to have (at a DRASTICALLY reduced price). one of the many selling points of the place is that it is in the same complex as 2 of my other best friends (the group of 7 girls that i hang out with on a daily basis) so we will have a feeling of community already built into our new home.

the only problem that i can see so far is my ability to panic about menial shit. because it will be in the same complex as my friends that means that my apartment must be in the same sort of shape their places are. now don't get me wrong, this is NOT put upon me by the girls ... they love me regardless of how my home looks. it's me ... all me. *d* could care less what color our walls are ... what sort of furniture we have ... as long as we are together. i feel the same on one level but on another i am in a complete panic state about it. so much so that i was at home depot ... HOME DEPOT ... uh, what the hell happened to me? for some reason, i feel like i can't be completely at peace until my walls are the perfect color ... UH ... someone stop me ... please.

and we are getting a puppy this summer so that makes me less stressed ... sorta. i am terrified that our dog isn't going to get along with our friends dog ... that we'll be outcasts because my dog is a heathen or something.

so things that i remember from the past month that i found memorable (good or bad):
1. we made real homeade cookies with the boys on christmas eve. they each got to make them their own special colors (as always blue for the oldest, green for the middle and red for the baby).
2. i made my first snow angel ever ... well actually it was a snow devil (i put horns on it)
3. i got a glimpse a jealous streak in me ... yes, me ... it was distressing ... horrible actually. we were in ohio and i was feeling like i was having a bad hair day when this girl who was a friend of *d*'s family starting hitting on him BIG time ... totally pretending that i wasn't there. now for all of you who don't know me this normally is not an issue. and *d* (true to his form) did not even notice that it was happening ... but the girl was RELENTLESS. and unfortunately i am completely incapable of tearing girls apart to make myself feel better. so all i saw was that she was gorgeous ... amazing ... doing the little hair flip thing ... trying to engage *d* into conversation (he just kept talking to his family totally oblivious to what she was doing) ... and then i saw it ... the one thing i could fixate on that somehow made me feel better ... man hands ... she had 'em. somehow her being less than perfect made me feel ok again. yes, it is a terribly stupid girl thing to say but it's true.
4. all my best friends came together before christmas to give me all of their winter clothes so that i would be warm. i had gloves, mittens, scarves, snow pants, winter jackets, sweaters, snow boots, hats, thermals ... and best of all, the only thing i needed was *d*.

Happy New Year to everyone ... I hope 2005 is as wonderful to all of you as it has been to me. I promise to start writing more (and better than I have tonight).

Love you all!